Monday, January 28, 2008

Bananas, I am...

There’s a video shop in Robert which I finally plucked up courage to go inside the other day. It’s a dark and dingy place which from the outside gives the impression of very sticky floors and illegal firearms under the counter. I’ve driven past it a hundred times, always wishing I had the courage to go in, and so I finally decided enough was enough and that it was time to bite the bullet this week. I marched boldly past the gang of youths outside, across the surprisingly non-sticky floor and straight up to the counter, where to my great surprise there was a very friendly and helpful man ...and no guns in sight.

I’d gone there armed with every piece of ID and official paper I have, knowing how much they seem to love making things like joining video clubs difficult here. But weirdly all the guy wanted was my address and to look at my passport. Hmmm... too easy... there must be a catch. Maybe you’re required to fill in a forty page form in order to return a DVD... Yes I bet that’s it. Or maybe I’ve been hardened and embittered by my experiences here so far. And maybe I should think about making fewer assumptions and being less judgemental ...maybe...

On Thursday, when I found out my teachers were on strike after all (this was after my having telephoned the school in question that morning and being told by some ill-informed soul, whom I suspect was M. Lazimo, that my teachers were DEFINTELY present that day, and then arriving in school fully armed with lesson plans and flashcards only to find out that in fact there were only three teachers in the whole place, none of whom taught any of my classes - grrr) Courtney and I tried to go to the beach, but had our plans scuppered by rain and so we made a trip to the video store and then went back to my house to watch three movies, drink beer and eat stir fry with noodles instead. And I rejoiced having been brave enough to go to the video shop - it was a lazy but well spent afternoon.

I got a flat tyre today ...and then found out that my jack is broken. Well I suppose if you buy an 800 euro car you can’t really expect all the trimmings too. So I had to ask some man selling ice creams on the side of the road for a hand. Oh and didn’t he LOVE that? Then I had to spend the next twenty minutes gritting my teeth and playing the damsel in distress while stupid ice cream man told me over and over how lucky I was that he had been there and that no one else would have been as kind as him. So the first chance I get tomorrow I’m buying a jack and a new spare. That incident was too annoying for me to risk it happening again.

I was asking the kids the other day which foods they liked, and which they didn’t. When I asked one really cute and very expressive girl if she liked bananas (which incidentally the kids still think is the most hilarious word ever) she looked up at me with a HUGE grin and said, very confidently, “Yes, I AM bananas!” I know it’s not that funny - maybe I was just tired - but for some reason her response rendered me silently and painfully hysterical, and I had to turn and write something on the board to avoid laughing out loud. Oh dear... I need to get more sleep I think.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Elephant Man

I had a day off work on Monday due to a somewhat extreme reaction I had to two insect bites on my forehead. The result was a swollen monster face which would have made John Merrick look pretty damn desirable. So, for fear of scaring the children I decided to stay in the house on Monday and drink tea and eat Malteasers instead. I’ve heard they have healing properties, and it must be true because I’m back to my normal self again now, which means I have no excuse not to go to work tomorrow. There’s supposed to be yet another grêve – yes, the French really do LOVE to go on strike – but unfortunately it won’t affect me as only certain teachers are taking part, and none of them are tomorrow’s teachers.

I’m not really sure why I haven’t blogged since last week... Too tired I suppose. But also, there’s only so many times you can say, ‘Today I went to the beach and lazed around getting a tan’, before your soggy and freezing English (and French and German) audience get pissed off and stop reading.

I decided to join Nick today on a quest to find the university library at Schoelcher. I have to start getting serious quite soon about a 6000 word project I have to do (in foreign French!!). So despite the fact that I'm in denial about it, it was actually quite comforting to find out I can at least get access to some academic books without too much hassle. Nick was really excited about the library. (Too excited in my opinion... Personally I thought it looked a bit like something from Beirut in the '80s - maybe I’ve just been spoilt with previously having 24 hour access to Sheffield’s Information Commons.) But Schoelcher library has books in it, and it’s air conditioned, so I suppose it’ll do for my purposes.

We were supposed to go to the library at eleven this morning but we somehow got waylaid at the cinema (where we’d arranged to meet) and ‘accidentally’ went to see a film called Tous à l’Ouest instead. And then afterwards we were hungry, of course, so we had to go to Snack Elizée, which is fast becoming my favourite place to eat (they sell PEANUT milkshakes. How amazing is that?), and I had a tuna kebab with rice and kidney beans. So we didn’t even make it to the library until 2pm. We had fun though. If I could start every day with a movie and a peanut milkshake I think I’d be very happy ...if a little fat...

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Clippety Clop

I’m too tired to write anything so I’ll keep this short. I just got back from taekwondo, where I reaffirmed my love of ordering blokes around – maybe it’s something to do with the fact that I feel women are so objectified here, and that normally the only interaction I have with men is to tell them to piss off and leave me alone. It feels quite novel to have guys actually interested in what I’m saying because they want to learn something from me instead of just wanting to get in my pants.

Anyway... the reason for my super tired blogging is that I just wanted to upload this photo of me and my new best friend, Domino. I went pony trekking with Courtney today and it was AMAZING! We galloped on the beach under the coconut trees, we paddled through the waves, we trotted along a tropical forest path and all this before 10am. Wonderful. We’re definitely going back!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Partaay!

It’s surprising how much mess can be made when eight people put their minds to it. The party clean up operation took for ever. I decided after the Toussaint smash fest, in which I lost four wine glasses, three tumblers, a cup and saucer, and the will to live (almost), to supply people with plastic plates and glasses at my birthday gathering. Every time I hear ‘Oops’ as something falls and shatters I feel my 500 euro deposit slipping ever further away from me. So I decided not to take any risks this time. I imagine I’ll be buying a new set of plates and glasses before I leave anyway but I thought it seemed sensible to try and preserve what I have left for at least the next couple of months. I might have a smashing Greek style party with what remains of the originals in June. That’s if there are any left of course.

The plan on Friday night was to order pizza, but as usual I panicked at the last minute and cooked up a feast anyway. I hate inviting people to my house and having no food to offer them. I thought I was just making something to accompany the pizza but in the end I’d made so much food we didn’t even bother ordering anything in. We had two barbecued chickens (bought from the supermarket), rice with stir fried vegetables, tuna pasta salad, green salad, bowls of crisps, biscuits, all sorts of stuff. Nelta came round which was good - It was lovely that she turned up but also it forced us to speak French for most of the evening which, though hard work after a few beers and chocolate liqueurs, was very rewarding!

I’ve decided to try and foster a new cinema-going habit to force me to listen to more French. Courtney got me a gift voucher of five cinema trips for my birthday which is already helping my habit form nicely.

A few of us went to the cinema yesterday to see a film called ‘La Femme de ses Rêves’. This is a film I would normally have avoided but it turned out to be quite funny in French. I think I’m more easily amused here as far as films go. If I can understand what’s going on then it seems like money well spent to me. I think it helped that there was a man behind us guffawing madly every few minutes – not only did it cue me as to when to laugh (I'm joking! Je blaguais!), the raucous laughter also kept me entertained through the portions of the film that were too slapstick for my usual high brow tastes (ahem). I saw ‘I am Legend’ last week (I thought since it was about the last man on earth the dialogue wouldn’t be too challenging. I was right - there were more gunshots than words in the movie I think.) I saw a documentary called ‘Le Premier Cri’ too which was good, about childbirth in various different countries of the world. I wasn’t sure about the weird Mexican woman who had people pay her to give birth in her pool of dolphins ...but each to their own I suppose...

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Power trip

I have a strange feeling of exhilaration tonight. Perhaps I’m savouring the last moments of being twenty eight. Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I’ve been shouting orders in Korean at big sweaty men for the last two hours... Yes, I think it’s the latter actually.

The instructor who I usually train with came to my training session today with another man, a red belt, so they could work on their technique. It was a bit of a strange feeling, little ol’ five foot me barking orders at these huge blokes. (I usually only teach beginners who are easily impressed by my high kicks and who I don’t feel I need to prove anything to) But these fellas seemed to take me seriously anyway. AND they understood my French. So despite my constant fears to the contrary I think it really must be improving.

I’m teaching the children fruits this week. They think the way I say banana is hilarious although I have no idea why. But every class independently completely cracked up when I said it. It just must sound funny to French ears. And when I showed them a picture of a pineapple and they tried to use logic to work out what side splittingly funny English sound that word would make, I was faced with a chorus of ‘aNAH-nas!’. ...I felt rather sad to have to tell them they were completely wrong.

One teacher, the one that doesn’t like my handwriting, asked me on Monday why I don’t make the children do any written assessments. I told her I’m not qualified to, which is a lie. I just, a) can’t be bothered to mark them all, b) feel that since most of the work I do is oral work and listening exercises, it doesn’t really seem fair to give them a written test and, c) don't like her to think it's ok to interrupt my lesson to tell me how I could, in her opinion, be doing it better. She went on to ask me why I wasn’t teaching them the words for fruits that they have here, because, "the word strawberry is no use to them". I tried to explain that the word guava would have little use to them if they were ever in England but I don't think she really cares. She just likes arguing with me. Or maybe she feels threatened by my presence.

Or maybe all this shouting at big men has gone to my head...

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Galette des Rois

I woke up this morning thinking it seemed like a great day to have an epiphany. I ate bacon for the first time in four months. It smelled like home and it fuelled my melancholy. I’ve been feeling desperately lonely and sad, that my French isn’t improving and that the only people who want to talk to me here are disgusting sleazy men, and that more than anything I want to give up and go home. So I tried and tried to come up with a plan... and eventually it happened. It came to me in a flash. I realised I just needed to swallow my pride and beg someone to be my friend.

So I sent a text to Nelta from taekwondo, who had seemed concerned when I was looking wistful a few nights earlier, saying I felt sad and lonely and I was finding it hard to meet anyone and that I was basically having a terrible time here. AND IT WORKED! She invited me to her Aunt’s house this evening to share the galette des rois with them. And I had the most fantastic time! It was a huge family gathering with loads of kids running around and homemade kumquat punch, peanut punch, coconut punch, cider, champagne and guava juice. The Aunt was big and friendly and welcoming and kept us all amused by trying to speak English (but mostly speaking some strange hybrid Spanish) for most of the evening and I had the best night ever. Isn’t it funny how a bit of human contact and kindness can completely change a person’s world around?

Back to school tomorrow. I prepared the first four lessons for my CM1 classes and then decided to just do the same lessons with CM2 as well. I’d made a million fruit and foods flashcards by then and just couldn’t face opening another felt tip. I don’t think anyone really cares what I do as long as I keep them entertained. So as long as I can prance around pretending to be a very hungry caterpillar for all my classes I do believe all will be well.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

...and a flat-packed New Year

I wasn’t prepared for such a feeling of hole-in-the-heart sadness after mum and Keeley left. The last few days have been like the montage bit in a crappy film where there’s sad music playing as the hero wanders listlessly, watching the clouds and seeing the shape of the British Isles in every one. I don’t want to get melodramatic about it though...ahem.

Most of the other assistants went to Saint Lucia a few days ago for New Year. And so knowing I’d be all alone on that eve of anti-climactic revelling I decided to try and distract myself with a project. So I bought a flat-packed desk, chair and bookshelf to build as a New Year challenge (and to help me feel ‘in the zone’ when I try and get down to my university work). And a New Year challenge it most certainly was.

I had bought a screwdriver which meant I had all the required articles on the instruction diagram (except for the stick man in overalls). But still the task was tough, and despite having been assured by the multilingual (and yet somehow incomprehensible) instructions that it would only take the stick man one hour to construct the desk, after an hour and a half I was still surrounded by wooden shapes trying to decide which bit was piece D. I did it eventually though and now have a very cheap and wobbly desk which may fall over at any moment. The chair was easier to construct although marred by the perils of its own cheapness – the holes drilled in the back were slightly off so I couldn’t fix it together and had to make do with a stool instead. The bookcase was outstanding though. Never have I seen such a marvel of workmanship. So it was a memorable New Year’s Eve. And I got something other than a hangover to show for it too!

I made a curry the other day which was so hot it made me cry. One of the Scotch bonnet peppers burst open infusing everything with its powerful seeds before I had the chance to fish it out. I’ve got a HUGE pan of it as well so I’ll be crying spicy tears for a few days I think. It’s nice though!